It was a hot summer day, where the sun was so bright one would feel as if the light would make them blind. However, life on the other hand wasn’t so bright; stress and emotional drama was a constant in my life and despite the beaming sun the day still felt dull and gloomy. It was one of those days where I was in a state of self-war, where everything just seemed unreasonable and incomprehensible, leading to sleepless nights. I was busy doing my work during the day time and upholding the façade of a happy strong girl, however, at night I was doing extra shifts of self-exhaustion by over thinking and continuing the ritual of self loathe and pity that I had started a couple of months earlier. On a daily basis continuing the façade became challenging. With a much needed break from all the thinking, I decided to go down to the beach along with a few of my friends. The trip to the beach was a form of diversion from all the stress. I was hoping it would be an escape from ME. The me that wouldn’t let me take risks and the me that always played safe. With the anticipation that I would be busy with friends, I didn’t think I would have the time to go back into self-pity mode and some how get thrown back into the dark corner that I always end up in. The corner that lets life take over and buries me from facing all of my problems. It’s a corner that engulfs you for days and to be pulled out would mean the need to have a lot of mental strength and power that I feared I did not have.
As I left school, I met up with my friends not anticipating anything from the day, especially not the freedom I would receive from myself. As soon as I arrived at the beach all I saw was the blue ocean in front of me, and not a single person besides my friends. At this very moment I felt at somewhat peace. Knowing I was in a place where I was not allowed to be, made me feel defiant and the selfish part of me didn’t want to leave. I sat down and decided to take in the view, and despite being with eleven other people it still felt quiet and peaceful as if it were just me and the beach. As I sat down, I took in the gentle but cold breeze and let my mind go to rest, away from my worries and away from my restless soul. I was in a state of zen where everything I was worried about just felt frivolous and cold. Despite being in a cold and abandoned area, it felt warm and welcoming. Nature felt as a mother, soothing and singing a lullaby to calm my restless soul. The soft sand felt as a mother’s hug and the soft waves were as if it was trying to sympathize and comfort me. Nature was a father. The soft breeze, protecting me from the evil of my own thoughts, by blowing the insecurities away. I didn’t feel confided in a small cage anymore. I felt more at ease and, for the first time in a long time, comfortable in my own skin. I didn’t feel like I was living in an intangible universe. I felt like I belonged. I felt at home.
(If you would like to visit the beach: https://www.nycgovparks.org/parks/fdr-boardwalk-and-beach/highlights/12257
A yelp page with similar experiences regarding the beach(not all of them are however.): https://www.yelp.com/biz/midland-beach-staten-island )